Reflections

This past weekend a friend of mine celebrated his 38th birthday! His wife, who is one amazing person, invited us to a fabulous dinner downtown, then drinks, then off to karaoke!  It was a fun, chatty group of 11 and we mingled at New Years and caught up at the party.  At one point, my girlfriend hugged her mother in law and called her mom.  She said "thanks Mom" for making C's birthday so special.  There were table decorations, each balloon had a generous gift card hanging from the string, they paid for dinner, bought drinks and birthday sweets.  It was an all around awesome birthday.  I really enjoyed the dynamics of their family. It reminded me of mine. When she got back down to my side of the table I told her I was jealous of her relationship with her mother in law.  She quickly apologized, (of course not necessary).  I meant I was jealous in an "I will have that the next time around way."

And this is where I lecture you that your childhood is VITALLY important. I NEVER, I can say never because it's true. In all my dating years/marriage to my ex his mother, who is local, NEVER took me to lunch, dinner or came to a birthday or special event.  Nothing.  Zip. Zero.  In fact, if I was dying she might send her prayers but that's about it.  They lived in their own little fantasy world and were not active in my ex husbands life either. Oddly enough, my ex doesn't talk to his only sibling either.   That's why he is the way he is! He doesn't know any better because the cycle has been passed down....and keeps circling around.  So, of course I compensated for this in my marriage and made big deals about birthdays, Christmas, Easter baskets and it was never appreciated because he didn't care, he was conditioned to not care about anything.  Makes me so sad to think about.

So, if you have a fabulous mother in law who does stuff for you and includes you--be thankful.  If she knows your style, sends you cards, thinks about you when she sees something at the store--be thankful.  If she raised her children to be great adults and you married one--be thankful.  If his family accepted you with open arms, treats you as one of their own, loves you dearly and makes a choice to be actively involved in your day to day life--be thankful.